My sister introduces me to this guy; that’s a story for another day. The wow effects this guy had on me, I couldn’t recover for quite a while. I think I was suffocating for the five year relationship I had told you earlier but I had not realized. This made me see how much I had needed some fresh air, but I was too engrossed to realize it.
This time I am in some computer business. Have you seen or probably heard of an old vehicle which will just go off whenever it wants and ends up putting you in some awkward situation or rather very embarrassing moments? That’s how the computers I had would behave. No, they would only behave that way when I had some work from a customer, probably a thesis they are supposed to present the following day in the morning or some wedding cards that a customer has to wait for because apparently there is a relative who has to go distribute.
Guess what, actually your guess is right, my new friend is an IT guru, and actually I call him a nerd. But can he be a nerd and charming at the same time? This guy was just the kind of person you would like being in their company any time. He hit me flat-out “10 nil you may say”. Can you smell a rat? I mean regarding the five-year relationship😉
I trusted myself though; I was in love, and in a very serious relationship for that matter. The challenge was, how can someone have a guy for a friend? Just like that? With no strings attached? There must be more than meets the eye. As far as I was concerned, he should not be a threat, he was not a preacher, and neither was he a preacher’s child. This way I didn’t see any reason for my fiancé to get worried, yeah! Please stop looking at me like that😉 call me naïve, it’s alright.
Poor me, little did I know I was sitting on a time bomb! Did I know this was a scandal in the waiting? Nah… The challenges of my computers dying anyhow and embarrassing me had gotten taken care of though. I had just the right friend. A few months down the line, I have managed to convince him to be fellowshipping at our church. My doing this was just genuine, no personal interests (I know what ur thinking 😉) the church was just the best. At least I know we fed on legit word. I was just looking out for a brother; of course, that is what good friends do. Oh boy, didn’t I just land myself to hell. Until yesterday, I am still convinced this guy I was dating had found a better paid girl than I was but he didn’t know how or have an excuse on how he would leave me.
The pressure of relationships can be so draining and especially where there are insecurities. Finally I am accused of everything humanly possible and I decide enough! Looking at myself today and that petit, naïve, innocent girl back then, I think all that which I was subjected to was unfair. But who am I to decide what’s fair and what isn’t? Several months of scandals, serving in church became a seriously straining and draining issue. By the way all the youth who were punished then because of mistakes I did or did not do; my apologies.
My IT boyfriend by this time had made advances severally which I ignored. Nicely of course because this was a friendship I couldn’t afford to lose; for my own selfish reasons. I knew nothing could possibly happen between us. I knew how to set boundaries and keep them. Especially when there were so many looking up to me.
How many of the scandals and rumors could this little girl accommodate? Apparently, people in church too couldn’t understand how this guy came from Nairobi and doesn’t seem to be going back any time soon. He has even become a member of the church, a very active one for that matter. Isn’t this too much of a coincidence?
Have you heard a saying that says, ‘what a woman won’t do out of love they will do out of spite?’ That’s how my new relationship began. How can everyone decide I am dating someone I am not? So I decide, why don’t I just do it? Is that rioting, feels like rebellion, right? Please don’t do this. It worked for me, but it may not work for you. Looking back, I am so convinced God had wrapped by blessing in a very unusual way. I thought it was just protest, but this must have been God.
Did I say now that I have the hottest guy in town it didn’t hurt? I had invested so much in this relationship; emotionally, my time and just me. Being human I am looking at the many serious guys I had turned down. Some that I wished had come earlier 😉 please don’t look at me like that. I actually remember during some of the mini break-ups we had during the five years, which by the way happens so much if you decide to count…
Several years down the line, I know why T. D Jakes called a sermon I listened to, the BACKSIDE OF BETTER. You look at people in relationships and nice marriages and you envy them, it has not been all sugar and honey. In every better, there is a backside.
In this social media era, you are tempted to keep stalking your ex to see the posts they are making. You may keep wishing they change their mind and come back to you. But is it really worth it? Redeem yourself worth. By this I don’t mean you disregard your emotions, you are only human, don’t pretend like it never happened, but create a balance. Don’t let your emotions rule over you.
There are some lessons I have gathered along the way. This I am not speaking as a relationship coach, but from experience:
- Involve God every part of the way. He’s the best counsel.
- You cannot make someone change for you. You may tell them what you need from them. You may tell them that what they do hurts you, but none of these will necessarily make them change.
- Should you find habits in your partner that you don’t think you could live with, please take an early leave; don’t waste each other’s time.
- If you are not ready to settle, don’t get yourself into a relationship.
- Don’t ignore any red signs hoping you would change someone, take an early leave. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
- Don’t use your past experiences to gauge every man/woman, we are not the same. There are good men/women out there
This isn’t exhaustive.
I thank God for this far. I am a firm believer of Romans 8:28 – and we know (with great confidence) that God (who is deeply concerned about us) causes all things to work together (as a plan) for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.
For any kind of support don’t hesitate to reach out!
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