IS IT A TABOO TO TALK ABOUT IT?

Learning so I share

As married as I am, if you heard me tell a guy I love you, what would come to your mind? Can someone love a person of the opposite sex without any strings attached? Just as a friend. Like I can tell my girlfriend how much I love them? Can I love you and tell you without being judged? Please someone educate me, what’s the big deal? Anyway, this is a story for another day.

For now my biggest question is why can’t we talk about sex freely? In the right context of course. Why will we talk business, parenting, finances but even with our spouses we have issues discussing sex even when we can see there is a problem? Is it possible that the stereotypes associated with this subject affect our marriage relationships?

I hope you didn’t forget the little naïve village girl who has finally come to this town and is in IT business and in the process this IT guy surfaces in her life and he becomes part of her business too.

After some time they agree it’s now time to take this relationship to the next level and they finally get married. At this point, I will reference comments I have heard from people in the course of life. I am not sure I would give me as an example like I have done with most of my write-ups.

I once heard a colleague who I would say was a mature Christian, a married woman and was actually more than a decade in marriage ask a girl who was planning her wedding, ‘how can you be planning on getting into marriage when we are looking for the exit?’ This time I was a newlywed, probably like a year into marriage so I didn’t feel qualified enough even to share my sentiments because I knew I would be silenced like, ‘don’t say much yet, you are still in honeymoon.’

In as much as I remained silent, that comment really disturbed me and I felt so bad. That was so mean. I kept whispering to myself, that shall not be my portion. Every single day of my marriage will be an awesome experience.

The honeymoon isn’t over yet, I have just been into marriage for a decade and a few more years and I have this to say, marriages work, marriages can be fun if founded on the right foundation and with the right person.

With that said, I was reading this book today that was given by a friend like three weeks ago but never created time for it. I actually would say this wasn’t the first time I had come across this book. My experience was the typical, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover.’

It has been said that most of the issues that breaks or destroy marriages are around sex and money. If sex is that important then why don’t we give it the seriousness it deserves? On this account I will discuss sex because this is where the book I was reading comes in. just before I delve deeper into the book, is the way we are socialized around sex issues a challenge that we take along even into marriage? While growing up did I hear too much of how bad sex is? No one even said that it was good at the right time or in the right context of marriage!

So here I am, the wedding has come to an end,

and everyone has gone. I am finally with this guy in a room alone, he is not just visiting, or leaving after dinner, he has just become a bedmate. This girl has lost it and I am wondering, ‘girl, what did you just get yourself into?’ It took me ages of talking myself into it and telling myself, you are here and there’s no turning back. It took me too wrong to appreciate his touch or even a wink because I considered it inappropriate.

Reading this book, ‘How to beat your husband’, I came across a letter from this husband. I am still feeling guys like this one are rare. Of course mine is a gemJ 

Kindly have a sneak peak …

My dear loving wife,

During the past year I have attempted to seduce you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times. This averages once every 10 days. The following is a list of the excuses made on the unsuccessful occasions:

We will wake up the children                                                 7

Its too hot                                                                                15

Its too cold                                                                              3

Too tired                                                                                 19

Its too early                                                                             9

Its too late                                                                               16

Pretending to be asleep                                                          33

Your backached                                                                      16

Toothache                                                                               2

Headache                                                                                26

Giggling fit                                                                              2

Not in the mood                                                                      21

Baby crying                                                                             18

Is that all you ever think                                                         105

This list went on till he accounted for the difference. I really feel him. I know this too well.

Do you think you can improve our record this coming year?

And then he signs off with his trademark tenderness and loving touch thus:

Your ever-loving husband

(source: Jack Dominian marital break down)

Lessons I have learnt and still learning:

  • Don’t take anything for granted. During this covid period, I found myself missing even those disagreements we’ve had at some point. I would complain when my hubby would place his hand on my shoulders because I consider them heavy; but during these lockdowns, I have found myself missing those moments.

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