RELATIONSHIPS PART 2

know your worth

A relationship is a way in which two people or things are connected. With this knowledge, it is clear it could be a working relationship, family, business, situitionship, name them.

From the previous post, we agreed that before you get into any relationship there are some questions you should ask yourself because these questions will help maintain the relationship. Today’s blog is an attempt to discuss some of these questions.

You will allow me to keep using myself as a reference point not because what I feel is the bible truth and neither am I an encyclopedia but because I know someone can learn from my mistakes. You surely don’t have to fall into the same pits I fell. Actually, this is one of the reasons the bible says we are surrounded by a huge cloud of witnesses.

So like I told you earlier, I find myself in this relationship that lasted around five years. As I mentioned, I can’t remember this guy asking me to be his girlfriend. This situation I allowed myself into was a terrible one because it denied me so much. I denied myself an opportunity to date. I didn’t allow myself to choose. One of the most advisable things to do as a single person contemplating dating is, to consider dating a friend. Friendships are so important because we rarely pretend to our friends. As we hang out with friends from work, college or church we learn so much from each other than that romantic coffee or dinner dates. Before getting too close to this person you are eyeing, you can consider inviting them for hangouts, hikes name them. You learn a person so much from such engagements because no one has any reason to pretend about something since they are not being vetted.

Kindly remember dating is a stage of exploration. You don’t have to say yes to the first person who asked you out. Don’t put pressure on yourself. When you feel like you owe someone so much probably by the much they have invested in you, the fares that have been sent 🙂 or the money spent on cabs, that’s why I encourage friendships before you attach so much emotionally. On the fare issue, growing up my mum kept telling me, ‘Em, you can also pay for that dinner, don’t ever go out without your own money!’ call me old school; I still believe this is the best thing you can do for yourself as a girl.

So where is this headed to? Kindly don’t be embarrassed about being upfront about wanting a relationship. Anyone who quits because they felt you were being too straightforward, they were not meant to be. Why would you commit yourself emotionally to a person if they are not clear with their intentions? Why would you want to invest your time on something not defined?  This is where you stop wasting people’s time; a whole five years 😉 headed nowhere! If you know you don’t want or are not ready for anything serious please make your declarations early enough or better still don’t start one.

Do you have any rules? The non-negotiable? Everyone ought to have their own rules as you enter into any relationship. These rules help you to build a healthy relationship or even save you from a one-sided or lethal relationship. Stick to your rules and even when they become perplexing don’t compromise. When talking of rules it has nothing to do with financial status, or appearances but value systems, persona, and character. As a girl if one of your non-negotiable is no sex before marriage, even when one or two guys goes, don’t you ever compromise, if he can’t wait, he doesn’t respect you enough and he doesn’t deserve you.

What is your value system? What is your belief system, your faith? Believing the same way establishes the basis of a relationship to thrive. Our religious beliefs are so important especially when you want a permanent relationship. Just ensure you have someone who believes the same way as you. Ladies believe they can marry someone then they can change them, please desist from this temptation, it is a recipe for disaster. Imagine you are a church girl and the guy you get married to wouldn’t go to church with you, or they wouldn’t allow you to a Kesha because they can’t trust you. As we look for people with who we share the same belief system, it’s equally important to have someone with that you can relate on the same level intellectually or career-wise. If you wanted to advance yourself career-wise, like go back to school, would this person support your dreams?

Amos 3:3 says two cannot walk together unless they agree.

2 Cor 6:14 do not be unequally yoked together with non-believers

If you cannot agree on those things you believe in, kindly leave as early as now. This will not change even after marriage. As you set your rules, don’t be deceived by looks, the shy ones can be the most caring while the most perfect could also be perfectly terrible, check the value system.

Be you and the world will adjust. This is a phrase I love. Most relationships suffer because people are not real, there is no honesty. Please be you whether they like you or not. Don’t even inflate the truth in the effort to impress, allow the other party to love or leave you for being you. Don’t set standards you cannot sustain.

To be continued

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