RELATIONSHIP PART 3

Give what you want to receive!

We have done two sessions on relationships and we agreed that relationships mean so many things but it is entirely how people or things connect. We also agreed that there are very many types of relationships but in this series I will specifically talk on dating, courtship and marriage.

On the second blog on relationships, someone said I talked too much for the girl and that the boy child was left out. Now this is that day, your cry reached the right ears. I know there are many misconceptions where our men and boys are concerned. They are expected to be in the know and rarely have mentorship and especially on relationships and especially on dating. I also feel men are socialized differently, from growing being told that boys don’t cry, men should not be emotional, being told to man-up and much more which makes me feel this is what will make it so hard for them to be vulnerable with their partners or spouses, the one thing that is so important in fostering good strong bonds and relationships.

Once upon a time I had this friend who would write me letters, phone calls and would pay me visits. Every time he came to visit I would give stories of these brothers who were on my case; little did I know I was scaring off an admirer. We were chatting with another friend and then he was telling me of this girl he had fallen for but couldn’t get the guts to tell her out rightly how he felt about her. So he would pay her a visit planning to ask her out but he couldn’t, it went on like this until when one day fortunately or unfortunately she greeted him with a wedding invitation. These are just but a few examples, this is to say that there is a great need for someone to stand up and help our young men understand that their expectations and the expectation the world has of them are way too different.

Other gentlemen will spend so much on a girl who they have not even expressed their intentions to.  In their mind they are assuming the girl should understand these gifts are supposed to say that I am interested in you. Shock on you boy, we are different. From where I sit, I will avoid gifts from a guy I know I have no interest in because I don’t want to keep feeling indebted and feeling the need to reciprocate. There are other girls who will see this as an opportunity to squander mercilessly and look at you as being foolish. My dear son, the girl is waiting for you to spit those words out. Otherwise she can continue pretending that she doesn’t understand a thing. The same thing is expected when you hurt your girlfriend or your wife. Don’t use gifts to apologize. We want you to verbalize the apology, own up your mistakes, take responsibility and then the gift can come 🙂

Luke 6:38 the bible says, give and it shall come back to you, good measure shaken together, pressed down and running over. This verse is commonly used so much during funds drives but I feel it is so much meaningful in relationships. You give what you would want to receive. Be the date you want to attract. You want to be given attention, please give attention too. Hey son, a girl who is not willing to actively contribute to the growth of your relationship is not worth investing your time, resources and emotions on. As we ask what is in this relationship for me, we should also be asking, what can I offer? What am I bringing on board? Relationships are more of give and take. Parasitic relationships are draining and exhausting. If this girl doesn’t show any interest in understanding your vision, seeing you grow or improve, she is just not the one.

Apart from the gifts and parties, what else? There’s more to life than those happy hours. As a man we want you to take the lead, be objective. Are you able to answer to, where do you see us like two, three years from now? Living a day at a time is not for all situations. We need to know where this relationship is headed; who wants to be in a five years relationship that’s headed nowhere?

Beloved little things matters. Compliment your partner, recognize his/her accomplishments and efforts, it means so much when it comes from you. Thank your partner for the small things they do; none of them were your right. We are wired differently, kindly hear your girl out, be emotionally available. Step out of your way from time to time and just be with her; even when all she wants is to rant or vent. She feels so loved just by you being available for them. Being available and vulnerable to your partner enables you to grow and connect. Your girl wants you to know you can trust her with your feelings and your insecurities she is your friend and not the enemy.

My parting shots, there is more to a girl than curves and looks generally; I am not saying they don’t matter; it is important to have a girl or a guy you feel good walking around with or one you feel good introducing to your friends. Do you interact on the same level intellectually, in matters faith and beliefs, socially? Of uttermost importance, how compatible are you? By compatibility I am simply saying, the similarity of your lifestyles and values is what will determine how long you can stay together. The chemistry can be right, the way she makes you feel, the way she laughs at your jokes even when they are not funny at all but if you are not compatible, it’s not worth the risk.

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On the comment session kindly let me know that topic you wish someone talked about.

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